September 14, 2010

Extraordinary uses for ordinary objects

The ever naughty, always raunchy Heels-n-Stockings from Sexual Adventures of a Married Woman organized a fun group post inspired by a book called "Extraordinary Uses for Ordinary Things". Her take on it was definitely more of the "insertables" variety but, I, being a spankophile to the nth degree, chose to focus on the use of ordinary objects during a spanking.

Shocking. I know.

So, without further ado, I give you a list of 25 household items that can be used before, during, and after a spanking session:

1. Leather motorcycle glove -- Two implements in one, a hand coated in leather. I prefer the fingerless variety as you can still enjoy the skin-to-skin contact (and fingers remain free to investigate).

2. Bamboo back scratcher -- The knobs of the bamboo handle are a unique sensation.

3. A straight back chair -- Yes, the top can sit on it and pull the errant young lady over his lap, recalling a picture of traditional discipline. But if you're tall, like me, you can also press your hips against the back and fold your body over it, resting your elbows on the seat. Or you may choose to use TWO chairs back-to-back and place your knees on one seat, your torso over the backs, and grip the seat of the other chair while enjoying a hearty administration of hand or strap.

4. Lexan blind rod -- These actually are much more useful on blinds and have no justifiable reason to be used on bottoms. Move on to the next one on the list, dear Tops.

5. A belt, around the knees -- We all know that a belt makes a terribly effective and fun implement -- although some may hesitate to agree. But have you ever been bound with one? When you hear the belt trailing through the loops, you might be expecting to feel its power against your cheeks. What a surprise when, instead, you feel it tightening just above your knees, preventing you from getting out of position. It's an interesting twist on restraints that I highly recommend.

6. Car mat -- This is one of the more evil, evil things I have experienced: corner-time while sitting on the pointy-side of a car mat. I can tell you this though: I have never driven after having a few too many since that experience. (The punishment fit the crime.)

7. Dowel off of a wooden hanger -- Preferably while holding onto a balcony railing, watching people below as you attempt to hold back your reactions. (Be sure to remove any nails or splinters from the rod as it can otherwise cause a startlingly awful and unintended sensation.)

8. A marking rod -- This may be one of the more unusual items on the list. You know those flags you use to mark your driveway in the winter so the snowplows don't plow you in? Remove the flag part and you have a fiber-glass rod that is just the right length for an over-the-bed session.

9. A pizza board -- My good (vanilla) friends have one of these hanging on their kitchen wall. If things get a little hot in the kitchen, how about leaning over the counter for a few spontaneous doses of this item?

10. A sawhorse -- I recommend covering it in some sort of padding before use. I assure you, if the restraints are done properly, a sawhorse leaves one completely vulnerable to whichever of these chosen implements. A good mix of pain and pleasure while over the horse makes it an activity that can be enjoyed for an extended period of time.

11. Panties -- They can be used as handles, restraints around the knees or, if things get too loud, an impromptu gag. I have had the dubious pleasure of having my own wet panties unceremoniously stuffed in my mouth during a particularly vocal session.

12. A DIY strap constructed with leather from a tack shop and a work-light handle -- See here.

13. Clothespins -- It was not my idea to include this on the list. Yes, this is my blog, but a certain person (ahem) wishes to impart his wisdom as well. So I'll say it fast: put one on each nipple. Do NOT exceed 15 minutes. DO control the tension with a rubber band if they are too tight. A positive thing about clothespins? It can distract you from the spanking.

14. Ruler -- They make flexible rubber rulers! They sting! A lot!

15. Wooden spoon -- Yawn. But it's one of those "old reliables" that, no matter how many times it's been used, elicits a rousting reaction.

16. Rolled up towel -- Yes. They do hurt when rolled and snapped at a naked bottom, preferably while said bottom is running and giggling throughout the house.

17. Mentholated cream (NOT Icy Hot or Ben-gay) -- Not for during, you pervs. (Although I have heard of some adventurous souls doing this.) No, this is for AFTER a particularly hard spanking. The cream is soothing and hot all at once and aids in the healing process. I used this after my last hard session and like to think that my bottom regained its lily glow a whole lot quicker because of it.

18. An ordinary house slipper -- When the rubberized sole connects to flesh, the impact is just as effective as some other specifically designed spanking implements. Plus, it's a bit humiliating to be spanked with a slipper -- don't you think?

19. Silicone hot pad -- They're floppy. They're silicone. And with a slight snap of the wrist, they really do make one take note.

20. Fly swatter -- A clean one, please. They make them in leather, too.

21. Kid's paddle game -- Remove the ball and elastic string. See how many swats you can get in before the thin plastic breaks. My record? One swat.

22. Spatula -- Another stand-by that is always at hand. A wooden spatula is a particularly powerful foe that makes my eyes widen each time I see it.

23. Dog leash -- I guess they make braided leather ones, too, but I've only experienced the woven cloth variety, which pack a nice and unexpected zing.

24. Wooden hairbrush -- The all-time favorite ordinary object employed by spankos everywhere. I keep mine in plain view on my dresser so each morning I can imagine its employment on my bottom.

25. Tree branch -- The selection of the perfect branch might just be the best part of using this implement. Once it is free of excessive knobs be prepared to be wowed. Its wide availability is a detriment to bottoms in any locale.

Whew. There goes my career in politics.

Feel free to add any "ordinary item" suggestions before visiting the other kinky folks playing (warning NSFW, of course!):


  1. Ooh, I love hairbrush spankings. Haven't thought of keeping a hairbrush on my nightstand... cool idea.

    Loved this post, so fun! :)

  2. Here are some results or a braided leather dog leash.

  3. BT, looks like that leash was a real hit!
    (pun intended)

    Pink, let's take a walk out of the house and down to the woodshed, er, bike garage, to see if there's more things to add to the list.

    I have new line in the weed wacker, we can start there and then inventory the other power tools.

  4. wow! and you call me naughty????

    You must try the waffle style fly swotter its delightfully evil x

  5. Heather B: Oh yes, put it right out in the open. When other people who don't know its real use come over and see it, I guarantee that you will feel a bit mischievous. :)

    BT: I can see where the looped end of the leash left marks! Yowza.

    D: Weed wacker? Power tools? Umm...excuse me, but do you see either on my list of 25?

    HnS: What a fun post idea you started! So I looked for a waffle style swatter but found this instead. A $50 personalized, oak-handled fly swatter? Mmmhmm. I know who that is for.

    And, btw, my brand of naughty has got nothing on your brand. ;)

  6. You could have stopped at the leather motorcycle glove! That is such a beautiful instrument - evidence of a man with vroom in his heart and his pants...yummy. :)

    Please post a story about that toy!

    Oh, and a few more, in case you need some ideas:
    26) book
    27) empty beer bottle (yes you can spank with that)
    28) various shoes (why not compare to slipper?)
    29) ping pong paddle
    30) badminton racket
    31) golf club
    32) canoe paddle
    33) rowboat oar
    34) kayak paddle
    36) pool noodle
    37) front end of a hairbrush (bristles are quieter)
    38) pool cue (yummy, these are yummylicious)
    39) HAND - go go gadget go
    40) television remote control (aka converter)

    Now don`t say I don`t give you ideas.

  7. Thanks for the ideas! Though, I would have thought that a pizza peel would exhibit too much wind resistance. I guess there's only one way to find out...

  8. Pardon this emphatic comment, but... NO CLOTHESPINS! No! No! NO! Hairbrushes and chairs? You betcha.

  9. The dreaded bath brush :(
    Thin green gardens canes, the ones you use to hold up plants
    Wooden fish slice

    Great post.


  10. Anony: You are the idea queen. (But a beer bottle? That needs an explanation!) Perhaps I will write a post about the motorcycle glove after a tad more research.

    Dioneo: Yes, please report back about the wind resistance findings. :)

    Erica: Ha. Yeah, they kind of hurt. A lot. And, I kinda sorta like them. Call me crazy. But I do prefer the more pure spanking paraphernalia. ;)

    Ronnie: There was a reason I excluded the bath brush. It is not a spanking implement; it is an implement of torture! But the other two have interesting possibilities...I shall check them out! Thanks!

  11. Hey Barely! Great post and wonderful research! Also you have quite a good sense of humor with some of those haha. Keep it up :)


  12. Ok, the beer bottle - I'm not one to put glass in an orifice, so I wouldn't recommend it for that. But a beer bottle against the groin while you're positioned over pillows or the arm of a couch? That feels like a certain organ...

    As for spanking with it, imagine it like a rolling pin - oh goodness, a rolling pin! another handy device! - hold it by the neck end and smack with the label. If you really want to drive home a point, make some homemade labels, and leave the ink wet enough to stamp it! Ooh, a large-sized stamper! Another idea!

    Ok, stop me now or I will never look at a household or workplace appliance the same way again! Oooh, workplace appliances...this list could be re-done in the office, could it not?

  13. 1. Oooh. I'm going to have to have to ask for the leather glove...fingerless.

    2. Car mat: Double Owweee! So cruel.

    9. I have a pizza board. I'll keep using it for pizza thank you. (but what a nice photo)

    11. The panties thing done to you is hot!


    My little itty bitty list is HERE

  14. FH: The research was undoubtedly the best part! Thanks!

    Anony: Many of my fantasies have been born in an office environment. Perhaps an idea for a later post? (Still not sold on the beer bottle, I must admit.)

    Hedone: I'll update the links to go directly to your itty bitty, hot post. (Glad you liked the banana pic I sent you.) :)

  15. I have had good success with a tie. I wear it every day, and isn't it the first thing I want to take off when I get back home from work and see my woman? Oh, wait, no it isn't...

    She didn't spend the last hours dressed to impress at her own job for me to complain about my neckgear. Still, the tie can be a blindfold while I help her out of those clothes.

  16. Oh, a tie...and I bet your wife loves to see you in one -- remembering the last time you blindfolded her and the pleasures that followed. Nice addition to the list of ordinary things, Pygmalion. :)

    And welcome to my blog. Nice to have you commenting!

  17. way cool...Fetlife also has a DIY section. like the DIY stuff for more interesting effects!

  18. Dave: I'm off to check it out now. Thanks!


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