July 13, 2010

To tears?

In my not-so-distant past, when I was a chat-slut on Yahoo Messenger, men would often say, "I'll spank you 'til you're crying like a baby over my knee." (Or in many cases they would type "your", one of my biggest pet peeves ever. "YOUR spelling alone makes me want to cry," I'd hold back.) The thing is, men would say this, and I know it's a standard line, but I rarely cry. Rarely.

I cried when I broke my collarbone in a drunken bike-riding accident involving a parked car. (But, hey...I was drunk. And cars hurt.) I cry at funerals and weddings, especially if I either really love or hate one of the parties involved. And sometimes I cry just because the mood hits me, usually when I'm alone and watching a specifically chosen movie for that purpose.

However, my take on crying has changed after having my first tearful experience over someone's knee a few months ago. Now it's become a fairly regular, yet still memorable, occurrence. The dam has broken.

What is the winning recipe for tears, especially for a "tough girl" like myself?

For me it's not the intensity or length of the spanking. I have walked away from 2-hour sessions (literally), bruised and swollen, with completely dry eyes. I have begged and pleaded, kicked and struggled, gone limp, but still no tears.

At the risk of sounding corny, and perhaps a bit cliche, for me it's about connectedness and feeling safe with the other person. To allow another to see me at my most vulnerable takes supreme trust -- trust that he will not laugh but rather recognize that moment for the soul-baring gift that it is.

It is in those moments that I need to feel cherished, safe and protected. It is in those moments that I feel lovable and treasured. I release my tears for his safe-keeping. I release my tears because sometimes they're too hard for me, alone, to hold.


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  3. Speaking as one who often gets the you're/your thing wrong, let me defend my people. It's a very difficult distinction to keep straight, especially in a chat context. On the other hand, those people that mess up the whole there/their/they're thing...they're just plain menacing.

  4. Fantastic post Pink, I could totally relate.

  5. This really speaks to me.

    What I've noticed in the last few weeks is a distinct difference in spankings and my pleasure in them.

    I have been given two spankings by a new friend. They were hot, the first one especially because it was so unexpected. Yet, these spankings did not move me. They were not cathartic; they did not get to the depths of my soul; and, the spanking alone did not make me orgasm.

    Yet, SirDom (my ex-Dom) spanked me Sunday and I was blissed out...I cried...I soared...I went limp. I had to be brought down from it all afterward. Something I don't think I've ever had to have done before.

    The difference? I feel safe and protected with SirDom. I'd like to say he cherishes me; that's what I needed from him. He would tell you he does but that's a story for another time.

    "I release my tears for his safe-keeping. I release my tears because sometimes they're too hard for me, alone, to hold."

    That's it barely.pink. Thank you for letting me know why I cry.


  6. FH: Your comment was so nice, you said it thrice. :) Thank you for being such an ardent supporter of me.

    Kevinovo: Yes, the "there/their/they're" offenders have also made my watch list. I am a grammar snob, to be sure, but I do overlook occasional mistakes. (I make them myself when typing quickly.)

    Katia: Thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only one.

    Hedone: I've been spanked by a few wonderful men, but I didn't understand "catharsis" until recently. There's such a difference in the physical act that touches only your bottom and the emotional one that comes from having that special connection.

    I'm lucky to have found it.

  7. This is beautiful, Barely :)

    I can definitely relate with that need for 'connectedness' -- it's not corny at all! :D

    To trust that he will see your tears as diamonds, to know that he will hold you in his arms and let you cry... These are precious moments, and I am so glad you have found them! :)

  8. It is wonderful to be able to release vulnerability with your romantic partner, and it would be more wonderful still if that honesty was permissible and safe in the wider world. I hope your partner too can find a way to release his vulnerability with you.

    Love is a cocoon, and it protects its inhabitants from the perilous world. After the tears comes a safe bliss, a feeling of being understood and accepted and valued and cherished. And that delicious emotion rocks so well with a warm bottom.

    He's a lucky man to have earned your trust like that. May he honour it always and return the favour by sharing himself.

  9. Beautifully said, Anony.

    After the tears comes a safe bliss, a feeling of being understood and accepted and valued and cherished.

    Ahh...that's what we are all looking for in a way, isn't it?

  10. Ace post! Yes, I'm pretty convinced that the cyber Doms that say that stuff have never actually practiced. If they have I'm not sure they are on that Safe/Sane/Consensual side of 'caring Dom' (even though SSC is open to much individual interpretation). I have never cried to a spanking, although I want to strive for that connection that you mention in the penultimate paragraph. I've been playing with Fire with my spanker but I'm confident he isn't the one I'll shed my tears for.

  11. Rayne: (I missed your response earlier, my apologies.) "To see your tears as diamonds." Wonderfully stated. Sounds like you've found it too?

    Julie: When certain people would say that in chats, I would think, "Wow, I'll be in the Emergency Room if I'm crying that hard." Scary! Definitely goes against "safe & sane".

  12. WOW
    Well I cry at funerals, but not without a real fight not to. Even if alone, I wouldn't let it happen. Partially my up bringing. Then there is the part of me, that me crying not others is a sign of my weakness. Showing emotions, can't and won't let it happen. Secretly wanting to just let go, but even when I tried to, my conditioning of controlling such emotions fight me. High pain tolerance and lack of the trust connection has left me also with nothing more than bruises and confusion. Went on-line looking for an emotional reaction, in an emotional situation (spanking), without an emotional connection. Finally figured it out on my own it wasn't ever going to happen, because I wasn't going to let anyone in. Then by pure luck, not even looking, I found someone who knew me better than I knew myself. Cried for the first time ever, real tears, real emotions and no fears of him using it against me. I have not cried actual tears, (watery eyes yes) during a spanking, but after is when it has really happened.
    Biggest problem now is, I fell hard for this person and no matter how much I want to spend the rest of my life serving him. It isn't in his cards. Always done ok when about things like this, but never met a man like him. (I work with all men)
    As you said, "dam has broke". Now I'm back to trying to fix that dam. Or as I have always called it "my wall/castle" Build it back up. Not sure if right or wrong, but it is safe for me.


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