July 27, 2010

Most of us are great, but...

Before I was fortunate to stumble into D on Spankfinder, I had an encounter that almost made me hang up my spanko hat in favor of something safer, and ultimately less exciting. But instead, I continued my search, wiser and ready to find the true thing.

Aside from the golden rules of a safe word and a safety (a person who knows your whereabouts), what are some other things you should do to protect yourself when meeting someone from an online forum?

A lot of great information can be found on vanilla dating sites. But, from my own personal experiences as well as acquaintances', I've compiled a short list of tips tailored to our kink:
  1. Distrust proclamations of love given before you actually meet. It's not real until it's real. And he's not a knight until you make him one.

  2. Never, ever allow someone to restrain you on your first meeting. This seems like common sense, but sometimes the heat of the moment can have you disregarding personal safety. Don't. There are a few amoral people out there waiting to snap your picture while in a compromised position -- or worse.

  3. Google the person. You can find out their actual age, profession, and other things they may have been less than honest with you about. This is a good site to find out your prospective's real age and location.

  4. Trust your gut -- we are better at reading people than we give ourselves credit. If your gut tells you that something is "off", believe it.

  5. Spankees, never share your limits before the spanker shares theirs. Ask questions -- forwards, backwards, rephrase them until you are satisfied. Make sure you know what kind of top you're potentially getting involved with before you are caught in an undesired situation. If a top refuses to share this information, move on. Once limits have been discussed, be clear and persistent about them.
Be smart, be safe. We are a minority -- pickings may be slim -- but never disregard your safety and your instincts out of horniness. The real thing, whether it be for casual meets or a life-long relationship, will come along.

Until then, I can recommend a really great vibrator.


  1. Well said. I hope your guidelines are taken very seriously. Real, uncontrolled danger is not fun.

  2. Safe, Sane, Consensual:
    These are the principles that were expressed in a written contract before we first met in public.

    Friendship and Trust are the working elements of these principles.

  3. Dioneo: Great to see you here! I know when I first started my online adventures I was quite naive. While I still believe that most in our community are amazing people, you do find that odd duck...

    Command: From the beginning my safety has been your top priority, even proving this as recent as last night. Thank you for that.

  4. Some sound advice. I was incredibly naive, at 19, and almost immediately got roped into an abusive situation, which nearly killed me, let alone made me walk away from kink.

    But it's not something I could put away forever -- it's an integral part of my person, and will always be part of me :D


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