September 23, 2010

History of a spanko

When I was younger, I used to spank myself in the shower adjacent to the family room and check the results in the bathroom mirror. It wasn't until I was older that I realized people could probably hear me.

My freshman year of college I confessed to my long-term boyfriend my need to be dominated. I didn't use that word, though. My specific words were, "locked in a room without any clothing and made to do whatever you tell me to".

I didn't mention spanking, but that was at the center of my fantasy and a word I just could not say. I felt ashamed at my desire for him to spank me; I could not afford his mockery.

He did not lock me in a room and use me as I'd offered; he did not spank me.

While lying naked in bed with another boyfriend, I would turn onto my stomach and lift the sheet with my feet, exposing my bare bottom in temptation. When he'd cup the cheeks, my breath would catch and I would yearn for him to do it, to spank me. He never did.

I didn't really mind though; it was a relief to deny what I was for a little longer, although the need was becoming harder to suppress.

When I finally made the confession, at the age of 19, I had been drinking. As drunk as I was, I remember my exact words.

"I want you to spank me. Put me over your knee, pull down my pants and spank me."

It came out in a rush, all on an exhale, so I could not bite back the words.

He spanked me; I wanted more, harder, longer. Now, now, now.

A few years later, I found myself single at a Halloween party hosted by close friends. At the end of the party, I made out with a stranger dressed like Elvis. I whispered in his ear, "I like to be spanked", as his fingers crawled up my inner thigh and curled inside my panties. My Farrah Fawcett costume lent me courage.

He called the next day to arrange dinner and made his own confession: he was married. I never saw him again. He never spanked me.

I married the next man who spanked me. We would spend whole weekends naked and entwined, he with a wooden spoon in his hand. I finally tasted the sweetness of what I'd been craving: spankings -- morning, noon and night.

The marriage didn't last, although I hesitate to call it a "mistake"; I learned a lot about my need for submission, a need he'd never satisfy. As our marriage deteriorated in other respects, I longed for the psychological element of spanking that I'd begun to read about on sites like this.

Single again, I cast my net far and wide in search of men who shared in my fantasy. I accepted phone spankings from Massachusetts, Texas, Maryland, Kansas and Rhode Island, my breathing labored and lustful as I carried out the voices' orders.

It was not enough; my desires to make it real grew. So I made it real -- I met with carefully selected men who spanked me, dominated me, and showed me the world that had been hidden behind fear and guilt.

I began to embrace my desires as normal and made a decision to include this in my life, to demand its presence, to never deny who I am or what I wanted.

There is no shame in what we do.

Even if it means spanking myself with the phone pressed to my ear, even if it means throwing my confessions at thousands of strangers, I will never stop asking in my gritty whisper, "Spank me. Pull down my pants, put me over your knee and spank me."

What was once so hard to admit is now my most favorite thing to say. The biggest difference is that now I say it slowly, with purpose, directly gazing into my lovers' eyes.

(Photos 1 & 3 from Girls Boarding School; photo of mullet spank (haha) found on Free Spanking Photos; photo of bridal spanking found on Spanking Blog; self-spank photo from Spank Amber; unknown sources on other photos.)


  1. I love this post, from the Bottom of my heart. It is sexy to embrace that which we desire most. It's a wonderful transition to make. And thank you for sharing.

  2. "What was once so hard to admit is now my most favorite thing to say." - that's my favourite line in the post. Isn't it wonderful when you feel the freedom to say exactly what you want?

    A great post!


  3. You are awesomely hot.

    Can I spank you? How about over the phone?

  4. I hear you, loud and clear. Just the way I like it.

  5. Awesome post, my friend. You have such a sublime talent for recounting these personal journeys. I would think many spankos see parallels between your journey and their own, and yet, your story is strikingly individual. This is another for your "Best of," I think.

    By the way, is that Tim Geithner spanking the bride?

  6. You made me all weepy...:( Dang you. This is awesome. The greatest thing is that you are not ashamed!!!!!! (and the second greatest is that you get lots of spankings now..hehe

  7. What a beautiful post. Thank you. So much of what you said expresses feelings and emotions that I have had over the years. I searched for many years for a spanking...feeling the shame and fear of revealing my needs. happened! I have never looked back.
    Thank you again...I enjoy your blog.

  8. Advizor: It is sexy to be able to embrace our innermost desires without shame. I am so happy you liked this post and thank you for reading!

    Hermione: Absolutely liberating. I feel all grown-up. :)

    Anony: Thank you and I'm flattered. I've hung up my phone chat hat for a set of knees close to home. ;)

    D: pssst....Please spank me.

    BT: Happy you enjoyed it. Thank you!

    Dioneo: Wow, you sure know how to make someone feel good. And coming from you, that is high praise. LOL, that sure looks like Geithner. Perhaps she's a bank employee who went overbudget on their wedding?

    Bonnie-jo: Awww...wish I could hand you a tissue. There is absolutely no shame in wanting your booty smacked (no matter how hard or how often you want it). And, yes, I quite agree that finding someone who is more than willing is the icing on the cake. :) Happy you liked the post!

    allie: Thank you so much and I'm pleased that this resonated with you. If you don't embrace the need, you end up hating a part of yourself. There just isn't time enough for that. Thank you for reading.

    Thank you for all of your comments! Spankings for everyone!

  9. What a wonderful post Pink. You have a lovely way with words. Thank you for sharing this very personal journey with us.


  10. What a wonderful timeline of events! It's all about being comfortable in your own skin and that's what you've seemed to have mastered Barely. *winks

  11. Ronnie: Thank you so much for your kind words. Within the safety of relative anonymity, I find sharing to be easy (most of the time). Gotta love blogging! ;)

    FH: I couldn't have come this far without the help and support of friends like you. Thank you! :)

  12. You got Chrossed today, and most deservedly so. Beautiful!!

  13. A very interesting post, that many of us can relate to. However, I have not read long enough in your blog to know your status beyond Miss Pink.
    However much I like spanking, a relationship built on love, and caring for each other comes a bit before knowing that they will spank you regularly.However, having stated that, a relationship without spanking would be a non-starter for you. Do take care in life.

  14. Erica: I love how Chross is so cool that he has his own verb. :) And thank you!

    Red: I assure you that spanking is not my top priority in my relationships. By "carefully selected" I really meant that I had a deep connection with all of the men I met.

    Having said that, no, I would absolutely not embark on a relationship if it didn't include spanking (and the psychology behind it). It is a necessary expression of intimacy that I cannot live without.

    I'm definitely not an advocate for a loveless relationship. For me, spanking holds no value without some measure of respect and caring. It's definitely beyond the physical, although I know that some receive much enjoyment out of more business-like arrangements.

    Hope that clears it up a little! Thanks, Red!

  15. I echo what Advizor54 stated.


  16. Hello! Great post! I saw you started following me at, I'm so glad to have you there! I am now following you as well, and look forward to reading more of your delicious entries! :)

  17. H: Thanks! :)

    babygirl cricket: Thanks for joining me here! Nice to have you; I enjoy your blog as well!

  18. Hi BP,

    an absolutely great blog entry, thank well written, captures all those emotions....

  19. Thank you, Anony! I'm happy that you could relate. :)

  20. That was really touching. Awww! There's something about such candour which is very admirable. Great post.

  21. Thank you TMT, I appreciate your comment! I enjoy making confessions such as these.


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