September 12, 2010

The need to know

Everything I need to know about the cane I've learned from the internet.

It is an implement of tradition, an implement of judiciary punishment, an implement that carries the weight of many tears in its long, lean frame.

There are pictures of caned girls that make me shudder and pinch my eyes shut. Their cheeks wear the sobbing purple lines that, under other circumstances, would have me maternally reaching for antiseptic cream and painkillers.

I will not share those photos. You have seen them.

The cane is the implement I fear the most. I dread the cane. I have never been caned.

I will be caned.

Other people write of it with such nonchalance -- it seems to be a regular guest in their lives. I am always astonished at this. My imagination has turned the cane into a boogie monster and I have been trembling at the closet door, wanting to finally confront it, to know what's lurking, but unable to turn the knob.

I will open that door soon because I know there will be a person behind it, standing with the cane, who I trust. With others it has been a hard limit; the fear, inexplicable as it is, has been so great.

Because it requires ceremony and decorum at the first meeting, I do not think I will be caned this week. We are busy and lack the necessary time to make proper introductions.

But someday soon it will happen. I do not want it to happen; I cannot wait for it to happen. I am torn between revulsion and fascination -- I know it will be a different kind of pain but I have no concept of what it will actually feel like.

I have been cropped and switched. I know more about those implements than I once wanted to know -- and I am fine. Perhaps the cane is not so great a demon?

Just in case, from now until it happens, I will not look at another caning picture, except for pretty ones, where the woman is twirling the cane like a baton.

Maybe I should avoid the internet altogether?


  1. I have a love/hate relationship with Master's cane. It has a unique sting, a deep kind of ache. The stripes last for a few days..which is a positive for me. As Master always tells me, its not the implement, it is the person using it...relish your first time!

  2. Ah the cane. I spent so many years being afraid of canes... They simply terrified me. Just as they scare you. Then this year, I decided to bite the bullet and embrace my love of trying new things... and gifted my husband a cane for his birthday. I immediately regretted the purchase as soon as I hit the approve transaction button. I squirmed when I gave it to him and he taunted me with it. Once he used it on me... the fear of it.. melted away. Somehow.. after a few sessions... it was my favorite new implement... so much so its the one I would ask for if given the choice. So you see, some things aren't as scary as your mind makes it.

    I hope your first time... and all the times after... are wonderful experiences :-)

  3. The cane will never be my favourite implement or one I would choose if asked but there is something about it the sting, the stripes. Love it or hate it it's something I have to have.

    I hope your first experience is a positive one.


  4. abby: Good to see you again! These firsts are wonderful...the anxiety and nerves are incomparable. Even if I don't enjoy the cane or develop a deep love for it, I know that sharing this with him will bring us closer. And that can only be a good thing.

    sierra: Hello & welcome! I squirmed just imagining handing it over. You're a brave woman! :) It's hard to picture the cane as a favorite implement. But, you're right, I have perhaps demonized it to epic proportions and must allow for that possibility! I never thought I'd enjoy the crop so much, but I do. (shhh..that's a secret!)

    Ronnie: Thanks for the well-wishes! I'm sure it will be a positive experience. Or at least I think it will be. We'll see! I'll be sure to post about it when it finally happens.

    Thank you for the kind reassurances, ladies! Now if I could only get over these nerves...


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