September 21, 2010

Memo to my bottom

Subj: Re: Scheduling conflicts with Hand and Cane

Dearest Bottom ,

In regards to your memo of yesterday, I would apologize were it not for the raging success of Sunday's brunch. Perhaps if I illustrate for you all of the positive points, you will view our spontaneous endeavors differently.

The brief but thorough one-on-one discussion with Hand before Cane's arrival was quite illuminating. Not only is he a deep admirer of your enthusiasm and input, he also loves to spend any time with you that he can, regardless of any intrusions by other implements. Perhaps it is the way you blush under his tutelage. Or maybe it is your bounce and jiggle as you and he parry back and forth. Whatever it is, your relationship is well founded and another productive meeting is imminent.

On the matter of Cane, I cannot say that it was a complete surprise -- were you really so shocked at his arrival? We've expected his presence for quite some time and the day of reckoning was inevitable.

Did you not quiver when you finally met? Did you not enjoy Cane's slicing wit combined with his cool admiration of your thoughtful responses? From his report, you bloomed under his slow and steady care, a student eager to learn his teachings. I know that first meetings can be uncomfortable and tainted with the unknown, but I assure you that it was Cane's intention to ease you into the relationship and not overburden you with too much information.

And judging from the report in the mirror later that same evening, the joining of you, Hand and Cane had no long-lasting effects, but rather you, my bottom, had a contented and happy glow that sustained you through to the morning.

I would say that you acted as a successful intermediary and were unnecessarily concerned with the blending of both implements as Hand and Cane got along famously. So well, in fact, that Cane has requested Hand's presence on all future undertakings.

I predict a long and fruitful relationship that may produce some of your best work (a portfolio not to be underestimated). I am quite pleased, as usual, by the outcome and your performance.

It was a job well done, dear bottom, a job that recommends future spontaneous endeavors. If you cannot take the word of Hand, Cane, or myself, please feel free to consult with Pussy as she has valuable input that should not be ignored.

Warmest regards,



  1. Nice job on that post! You're so creative. A formal conversation with your bottom, how clever. I'm glad the Cane didn't hurt too much. It sounds like D was fairly gentle with it. Now, don't go deserving a real punishment from him, or your bottom might be complaining about the stripes!

    Poor bottom - it has to take all the punishment for our mistakes. But then again, it does also get the rewards, doesn't it? ;)

    You are lovely, as always.

  2. Pink, you provided a good reply to your Bottom. If Bottom gets out of hand and you need an assist, please advise.

    You know that I dislike a Bottom tooting their own horn or acting like a complete asshole, so if your Bottom's line is crossed, let me know.

  3. Pink,

    Hand and Cane make a fine team. I hope we hear more glowing reports about their efforts.


  4. speechless.or is it writeless or maybe just thoughtless?
    anyway. very original and humorous
    thank you

  5. Anony: No risk, no reward? ;) Thank you for your kind words. Someone informed me earlier that my bottom and I write in the same voice -- guess that makes me an ass.

    D: Did you read the preceding post? My bottom is always the definition of polite. But I appreciate your willingness to step in should she get out of hand.

    Hermione: They do display a commendable level of teamwork. I'm sure to have many more reports of their collaborations. Thank you!

    BT: Never, ever thoughtless, you creative blogger, you. :) Thank you!


Leave your mark.