October 7, 2010

Not now, honey. I have a headache.

This post may break "girl code".

I've experienced daily headaches since my mid-20s. After trying just about all of the pharmaceuticals on the market, and a battery of tests, nothing has ever actually fixed it. I'm not complaining -- it's just a fact of life around here. Most days I don't even notice that I have the headache; it's just there, waiting to suck.

I have, however, discovered home remedies.

The first I discovered by accident: jalapeños. At the first sign that my headache is turning serious, I pop a jalapeño and the pain abates. I have a theory on this, but it's not very scientific and I may get laughed at...but it has to do with the spiciness dilating blood vessels in the brain, thereby releasing pressure.

The second remedy is experiencing earth-shattering orgasms while in a dark room. This barely needs explanation. Don't orgasms temporarily cure most of what ails us?

The third remedy was discovered through a series of unfortunate events (in which I believe I dropped a few f-bombs) that had me landing face down over a set of knees. Despite my headache, the owner of those knees took it upon himself to spank some politeness into me.

And spank he did. As he spanked, I noticed something happening to my head. It was no longer tight and pounding; clear thought had returned and I could, instead, focus on the pain in my bottom alone. Afterward, the headache took its time in reappearing -- I had hours of freedom from head pain.

Of course, my throbbing head was upgraded to a throbbing bottom, but I think you all know how much I'm likely to complain about that.

This is where I may be selling out the sisterhood: that tried and true excuse of, "Not now, honey; I have a headache" no longer holds.

It's been officially debunked and replaced with, "NOW, honey! I have a headache!!"


  1. Awesomeness!! I bet it's all about the blood flow, in some form or fashion.
    I love your writings, Pink. Thank you!

  2. Hi Miss Pink,
    Forgive my absence from your blog. I'm catching up. :)

    Your theory about the jalepenos I believe is correct; that is exactly what happens. Think about it, I get a runny nose when eating ultra-spicy food. Why? My sinuses are opened up and draining; relieving pressure.

    Believe it or not I get relief from severe sinus pain (head and face) from drinking Cabernet wine. (Wine dilates the small blood vessels). I know some people say wine or red wine gives them headaches. I have never experienced that. In fact, there is no proof that tannins or sulfites in wine cause headaches.

    Oh yes, a good orgasm cures what ails ya... ALWAYS.


  3. Pink: Spank-driven blood flow and endorphins are magic, aren't they? :) Nice post!

    Hedone: the people who get headaches from tannins and sulfites are likely allergic to or intolerant of them. If you don't have that allergy/intolerance, then you shouldn't get headaches. Personally, I get low blood pressure from red wine - fainting spells. Explain that one. And no, I wasn't drunk on any of the occasions when this happened.

    Anyway, I'd take spanking over any coloured wine any day of the week. As long as um, it's not too hard, and by someone I choose?

  4. @Anon: Yes, allergies to them is entirely another thing. I was speaking of the average, normal, all things being equal type person :D...thank you for clarifying.

    Fainting spells? Really? No need to get you drunk to take advantage of you. You're certainly a cheap date ;-)


  5. Pink, sorry for taking over your comment board...

    Hedone: And us spankos are average, normal, all things being equal? It might not take an outlier to know one, but you'd think us kinky pervs (wink) would understand how minorities are often left out of scientific studies, where majority rules. Well, we're not that far from the norm, are we? Maybe just one "standard deviation" away.... ;)

    And yes I am a cheap date as a matter of fact. But the guy had better stop at one date, because the costs will rack up as time goes by...heh. ;)

    Back to Pink's post though, do you all think that spanking might work for other types of pain relief? I mean, would it soothe the ache of a tongue sore from too much sticking-out? How about the dull throb of a foot used to kick-slam a door?

  6. @Anon: " 'one "standard deviation" away' "

    Ooo, that's good. :-)


    Spanking cures all. Just like anything wrapped in bacon tastes good. :D

    To be sure, let's do a research study. Pink you head up this study. I'm sure D is more than willing to be the head research scientist conducting the tests.


  7. I'd much rather have ten spankings than eat one jalapeno pepper.

    Heck, I'd rather have spankings than almost any food!


  8. It could be that the jalapeno thins the blood. That is how aspirin works.

    I like the idea of a pain transfusion, from the head to the bottom. I will have to try that one day.


  9. First, I'd like to apologize for being M.I.A. from the comments. For some reason I've had sporadic success in commenting on my own blog or on others'.

    Bonnie-jo, it's always good to see you here! You have quite a way with words yourself. :) It is all about the blood flow. How do vanillas manage?

    H: I'd need a spanking to appease the guilt from eating a bacon-wrapped anything. But... bacon, yum. As far as the red wine thing, some days if I even catch a whiff of dry red wine it drives me into a migraine. I avoid the dry reds at all costs.

    Anony: "One standard deviation away" is an excellent description! I think spanking, like orgasms, can cure most ailments. We should start a consumer awareness campaign.

    Pat: thank you kindly. :)

    Hermione: I LOVE jalapenos. But I definitely would skip breakfast, lunch, and dinner for any otk action.

    Spanked Hortic: After posting this, a good friend of mine sent me a link explaining why jalapenos are good headache relievers. Turns out they contain Capsaicin, an ingredient commonly used in topical pain remedies. Interesting, no?

    Thanks for commenting everyone!

  10. Pink- Thank you! I have severe sinus headaches too (a couple surgeries down). Of course, I learned long ago that an orgasm really helps. But I haven't tried jalapenos... and I now have a great excuse to get spanked more!!! :D


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