Kitchen revelation

I may speculate about a number of things, but the sex lives of my relatives is usually not among them. I mean, not really. I don't want details. I assume they all have sex and I hope they enjoy it, but imagining my great-uncle boning my great-aunt is not a healthy image for me to carry around.

Admittedly, this question has fleetingly occurred to me: spanko, or no? Not that I would tip my hand and actually ask them.

A few years ago, I received a definitive answer regarding one southern aunt.

We were in her kitchen, finishing lunch preparations. She bent to look into the oven, checking the pizza, and asked, "Can you get the paddle out of the drawer, please?"

I stopped tearing the lettuce momentarily, trying to understand what she meant.

"Paddle?" I asked, my tone dropping instinctively.

"Oh...er...umm....spatula. The spatula. Should be on the top," she corrected, a tiny bit flustered.

Now....

I have a dirty mind, granted. But is that not a sure tell? Who says "paddle" instead of "spatula"? And furthermore, who knows that their "paddle" is right on top?

Is my aunt a spanko? I think that's an affirmative. And I find myself watching my p's and q's around her a bit more closely, not for fear of the spatula, but because I don't want to betray my own, closely-guarded secret.

And I wonder, who else among my clan has these desires?

Well, I don't wonder that much.