June 1, 2010

"I'm about to use my safe word."

To say I contemplated how far I've come while my hands were restrained above my head, legs open and restrained to the floor, would be false.

My mind was squarely on the flogger licking across my back, thighs, bottom and breasts. Its flickering heat, a combination of caresses and stings, drove every other thought from my mind save the here-and-now. I alternated between loving and hating the sensation, wanting more and less, needing it to continue and stop.

As we progressed, my mind shifted from the flogger to the manner in which I was restrained. I could only twist my body slightly, instinctively moving away from the implement and the pinching, punishing touch of my Dom. I do not like to disappoint and always want the play to go on, so my safe word is hardly an option. But I got close.

So close that I actually said, in classic "me" fashion, "I'm about to use my safe word." I didn't say the actual word, but it was there, on the tip of my tongue and in the forefront of my mind, begging to be spoken.

The issue was not the flogger raining down on my bottom, wrapping around my thighs. No, it was that I could no longer feel my hands. I began to wonder if I had hands or arms at all, such was the utter lack of feeling in them. So instead of focusing on the work of the flogger and the experience of being restrained, I persistently tried to wiggle my fingers and move my arms to the point of near-panic.

Evidently, muttering "I'm about to use my safe word", was good enough for him, as our play stopped and he removed my hands from the overhead hook. Needles immediately shot through my fingers, which wouldn't regain normal sensation for almost an hour afterward.

My question is: why can't I say it? Why can't I say the word? Do I put so much pressure on myself that admitting I can't take any more makes me feel weak?

I almost need two safe words: one to announce the arrival of the other.

How silly is that?


  1. Is it a matter of weakness?
    Takes courage to say the safeword, if you are reluctant or afraid to. More courage than not saying it.
    Play safe and play again.
    I think your dom would want you to use it.

  2. You don't want pins and needles that last an hour. What if next time they last longer? What if you give yourself nerve damage? I think you need to practise saying the safe word. I think the tabboo needs to be broken. Say it to him today. My safe word is X. Say it to your friends. Say it repeatedly and often, long enough to bring it to front of mind. It is not just a mind block, it is covered in dust. Like a life saver donut chained in the shed, it needs to be exposed to sunlight and used in a mock drill. Ok?

  3. And cuffs should not be tight enough to cut off circulation. Limits exist before safewords.

  4. Thank you, BT and Anon!

    In defense, I must say that the cuffs were not too tight. Or at least they did not start off that way.

    Also, my Dom wants me to use my safeword if I need to. He holds my personal safety in high regard and would feel badly if there was an issue that removed the fun from our play.

    I have no trouble in saying "I'm about to use my safeword." It's almost like it's my 6-word-safeword. ;) Although not advisable, it seems to function as one.

  5. Sometimes the restraints are comfortable enough but a position puts a strain on muscles that tighten up and cause discomfort.

    Whatever the reason, safe words are necessary to help keep activities safe, sane and consensual.

  6. I suspect your reticence comes from your submission, your absolute trust in Him. Your belief that He will always take care of you, always know when it is enough. You always question, if you are just "being a baby" and should push your limits.

    This is healthy to a degree, but you must be comfortable to use your safe word.

    In the past, I have employed two safe words, more like a yellow and red system. If something is becoming too much, then yellow allows easing back without stopping.

  7. I agree that safe words are absolutely essential in keeping the play pleasurable for both. It's funny that this is the first time I've had one and I know my Dom better than any Dom/spanker before him.

    And, SC, I like the idea of "yellow" and "red"...perhaps I'll make that suggestion. Thank you!


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