December 12, 2010


In my group of friends, I've always been known as the sexually charged one.
As open as I am within that tight-knit group, I've only hinted at my kinkiness, leaving them with the impression that I'm "dirty" and "uninhibited" in bed.
During a girls' night years ago, I bemoaned my dwindling sex life after my boyfriend moved in. "We're only doing it five times a week," I complained.
Looking back, I understand why they rolled their eyes. I sounded like the nympho Samantha from Sex and the City.

I once told them how I'd made a teen cashier do a price check on KY jelly. (I may have scarred the boy for life, but it was a $2 difference!) That story led to uncomfortable questions and confessions about "butt sex", as they eloquently put it.
When my best friend from college's even more straight-laced sister was relocated for work, she stayed with me for a few months. Accustomed to living alone, I unwittingly left my water-proof vibrator on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub after a particularly bubbly session. She told her sister about it, and after an awkward laugh, my friend became acquainted with the fact that I owned more than one pleasure tool.
Those things I can admit. But I could never direct them to The Pink Report. They don't need to know that much about me.

One night though, I spilled my secret spanking desire to one of my closest friends.
As she described her Halloween costume -- a naughty schoolgirl uniform, complete with regulation panties -- I inwardly rejoiced at the thought of a kindred spirit within my group. Aren't schoolgirl uniforms particular to our kink?
Fueled with Bloody Marys, I blurted, "Do you like to be spanked?"
I instantly knew the answer was no. The look on her face was not one of mortification at a secret revealed, but one of utter confusion.

Instead of abandoning my cause, I bumbled forward.
"'Cuz, you know, the whole thing with 'naughty' schoolgirls...they usually need spankings."
"You mean, during sex?" She asked, still perplexed. "Yeah, I like a few spanks while he's doing me from behind. Do you?"
This, again, would have been a good time to abandon the subject.
"Oh yeah," I said, insistent on revealing myself. "But not just during sex."

Awkward pause.
"I have a video if you'd like to see...," I offered, quickly adding, "I mean, um, not of me. But a video that I like."
You could hear the ticking of my mantel clock while she pretended to consider it, her lips twisting in discomfort.
"Nooo. But I am into asphyxiation," she said, high on her own confession.
Oh my god, I thought. She is way more extreme than I am!

"Okay," I said. "I'll keep your secret if you'll keep mine."
As it turns out, you never really know what your friends, even the best of them, do behind closed doors.
And I rather like it that way.

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