December 12, 2010

One Day in April

It is absolutely true that D and I are spankos whose main kink is bare bottomed, spanky play. An aspect I don't write about frequently is our D/s relationship.
Submission, although the actual practice was new to me, felt absolutely right with D since his first spoken command. However, I struggled with desires as an erotic woman with her own high sex drive and as an unshakable feminist. Fully submitting, while natural to who I am, required reprogramming and introspection.
Wisely, D assigned me the task of a daily journal so we could monitor our journey into D/s.
I hadn't reread my journals until today. Below is an entry from our first month together, unedited and, aside from the removal of our names, uncensored. I now feel the same, but my submission has grown deeper than the physical reactions described in this early glimpse of D and I.

April 4, 2010
"During your playtime, your master may have brought you to the brink of orgasm many times, and many a time he let you come. He has been working hard all night to keep increasing your level of arousal and desire, conditioning you with pleasure and pain until they become one and the same thing. He is as aroused as you are, filled with the power you have given him. You are wild for each other and cannot stand it another minute."
-Claudia Varrin, Erotic Surrender
I can definitely tell that you have read this book. Or perhaps your methods of domination are inherent and you need no text to guide you. But I kept recalling how close you would get me, how I would just begin to feel the tightness in my belly, the premonition of waves, and you would scale it back. Was this deliberate? Or just luck?

I think I'm at my most submissive when I'm taken from behind with a sore and blazing ass.
Or maybe it's when I'm on my knees.
Or maybe it's when my hands are behind my head and I am forced not to move and to take what you give.

What I really fantasize about is you allowing me to come over your lap, your hand beating a steady rhythm on my cheeks -- knowing that I am experiencing these pleasures because you wished it, you gave them to me, you allowed me that abandon. That knowledge alone is almost as orgasm-producing as the actual touch of your hands.

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