December 11, 2010

Ain't Too Proud to Beg

“Pride comes before a fall."
I used to proudly state that nobody could make me cry with just a spanking. I am physically strong: there is nothing petite or dainty about my build. Being 5'11 and with a high pain tolerance, I know I posed a challenge to many a spanker -- first with my long legs that rarely dangled and kicked helplessly, and second with my refusal to allow any pain to sink into my prideful heart and mind.
Yes, I could take quite the spanking. If I cried, which was rare, it wasn't about the physical pain, but rather the emotional connectedness. I've written about this already.
Now there is an additional component. My bottom is betraying me these days. In addition to the emotional element, the pain is sinking in.

My coyness, once ceremonial, is now a sincere desire for the spanking to end -- and sometimes for it not to even begin. I don't understand this increased sensitivity. Is it hormonal? Weather change? Is D just spanking me harder, trying to find my growing limits? Or is my bottom always sensitive these days due to the frequent and vigorous attention that it receives?
D, of course, has noticed my panicked wriggling, my change in tone, my increased struggle.  He has commented on how quickly my voice fills with tears, way before I actually shed any.
He claims that he is "turning it up a notch".  Perhaps I had grown complacent in receiving a spanking.  Perhaps his desire for dominance is quenched by making me truly submit -- and true submission often means submitting to something we don't necessarily want or think that we can take.

The result is a much more emotional experience. I, the Amazonian woman, become a pygmy over his lap, powerless to stop the onslaught of his hand. My surrender is both an emotional and a physical one requiring an enhanced trust in the man I call my own.
With him I am free to beg. I am free to plead. There is no disappointment in myself, either from him or me.
It turns out that I need this, as much as I don't really want the pain. I need to know that I can be pushed to my outer boundaries, emotionally and physically, and be reigned in afterward by the safety of his arms.

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